The C Word

When you become a parent, you learn about this little five-letter word that every parent dreads to hear.  This word alone can make any parent shiver with fear.   

 Colic.  According to the Mayo Clinic website, "Colic is often defined as crying more than three hours a day, three days a week for more than three weeks in an otherwise well-fed, healthy baby. What is most important for the diagnosis is sustained crying in an otherwise healthy baby for a regular period of the day lasting for several weeks."

Bristol was fine the first week or so of life.  Then, the screaming for hours began.  It is horrible!  I'm a researcher.  There has to be a reason for things.  A child just can't cry because of nothing.  Since I'm nursing Bristol, I eliminated dairy from my diet.  That seemed to help a little bit, but did not completely eradicate the crying.  I made sure to feed B from the same boob throughout the day, just in case I was producing too much foremilk (which causes baby not to get the fatty and much needed hindmilk).  This did not eliminate the crying, either.  

After a week or so of her colic spells, I lost it.  My child has colic.  There's nothing I can do to help my little lady, but just be there for her.  We have 3 months to deal with this.  WTH.  Not only is this hard on me and everyone around, but it's so hard on Bristol.  You can tell her belly hurts her so much.  Her stomach is hard, she's super gassy, and just not comfortable.  Nothing consoles her.  Her longest crying spell has lasted from 9 PM until 330 AM!  It was horrible for all of us.  I can tell you that one of the most frustrating things to go through as a parent is not being able to alleviate your child's pain, especially when they don't understand what is going on.  Heartbreaking.  

We have tried so many things to help ease the pain.  Gripe water, warm bottle warmer, laying her on her tummy, bicycle exercises, car rides, swaddling, shhhhing, slight shaking, bouncing, swinging, singing, everything!  Some things work, some don't.  The thing that works one night, does not work the next night.    I can't tell you how many times I cry right along with Bristol.  I cry for her and from my own exhaustion and frustrations.  I really hate to wish my child's life away, but I cannot wait until the 3-month mark, October 12th, gets here.  :(

First Few Days

Bristol should know how loved she is.  She had TONS of visitors and calls and messages and gifts, all to welcome her into the world and send their love!  

It is pretty cool to see some pink in our midst, versus blue! 

First car ride!  Kind of weird having a baby in God forsaken heat instead of a chilly Alaskan summer.  I didn't know how to dress the poor child.  I hope I have not totally screwed up her internal body temp regulators!  Ha! 

Joey was completely in love with Bristol from the beginning.  He knew that she was who (or what) was in my belly.  It was crazy to see how easily he put the whole situation together.  He loves to kiss and hug on Bristol and he always wants to hold her.   

However, he did ask me if he could kick her in the head when he first saw me nursing B!!  However, once he realized that my boob made Bristol stop crying, he constantly requested for me to "give Bristol mommy's boobie!".  Haha!  

 Bristol did fail her hearing test in her left ear (just like Joey had).  We had to retake the test a week after going home.  She passed the test with flying colors!

  

Bristol does not sleep as much as I thought newborns slept.  This girl is afraid she's going to miss something.  Some of my friends with young children have also commented on how awake little miss seemed to be.  

Being in North Carolina has meant that we got to see lots and lots of family and friends.  It was super cool to have so many visitors greet our new little lady. 

 

It was also nice for me to have all of the family so I could sneak away for some Joey Mommy time or just to get a shower!

Bristol does like to be held.  All.  Of.  The.  Time.  This chick wakes as soon as she realizes that she is not next to a warm breathing body!  It's sweet and so frustrating.  I try to remind myself that these days are short and limited, so I should just enjoy the bonding time while I can.  It's just hard to do that when you really want to go to sleep, or shower, or poop!  

I am exclusively breastfeeding little lady.  I didn't have nearly the troubles breastfeeding this time around as I did with Joey.  I also did not play around when things weren't going too smoothly...I consulted with a lactation consultant to get things straightened out this time.  No bloody nipples for this mama!! 

Joey got to spend some time with Michael's grandparents for about a week right after Bristol arrived.  That was nice because B and I got to bond and work on our nursing and sleeping schedules.  Instead of sleeping when she slept, I caught up on a lot of movies!  Ugh!  Stupid mommy!  I must say that after having a toddler, I now realize that a newborn is a vacation!  Haha!  While Joey was gone, I was able to relax and just "chill". I didn't get much sleep, but some of that was my own fault.  

The Story

Two months later, and I finally found a little bit of time to tell the story...

I told Michael that a lot of husbands buy their wives "push gifts" now.  Michael is an awesome husband and listened to his wife.  Even though he is all of the way on the other side of the world, he was still able to send me a little gift.  Chocolate covered strawberries...yum, yum, yum!  

And he must have really felt bad for not being here because he sent me TWO gifts!  What a great husband!  We just wish he could have been here for the birth of his baby girl.  Bristol, when you read this, please know that you're Daddy would have done anything to be here for your debut.  However, he is one of the few heroes we have left in the world and had to tend to something bigger.  Don't worry, he will make it up to you when you are requesting ponies and rainbows later in life!  ;)   

My c-section surgery was scheduled for the 0845, so my parents and I got up bright and early.  One of my B.F.F.'s came to watch Joey so both of my parents could be with me.  

Getting all ready!  My doctor is a UNC graduate, so I had to make sure to show my gang sign!  Go Wolfpack!  I had a spinal to numb my body.  I did not like this one bit.  It was such a weird feeling.  I actually freaked out in the operating room because of all of the strange feelings.  The nurses and my mom all thought that I was upset about Michael not being there and having a baby and blah, blah, blah, but it was because of all of the weird physical feelings.  So weird.  After the nurses removed Bristol from the room, the docs actually knocked me out.  I suppose that's so I could get a little rest and calm down. 

*******GRAPHIC PHOTOS BELOW*********

It only took the docs a few minutes to pull Bristol out of me!  She came into the world screaming and yelling!  There's no doubt in my mind that she wanted everyone in that room to remember her!  She "arrived" at 945 AM on July 12th, 2012.  

Bristol Fay weighed 8 lbs, 8 oz and measured 19.5 inches long!  Dr. Mills (my Carolina doctor) commented several times about how big she was.  She was delivered at 39 weeks...imagine if I would have went to my due date or later.  Yikes.  

**********END OF GRAPHIC PHOTOS***************

My Mom was in the operating room with me.  She sat with me until they removed Bristol.  After that, Mom had strict instructions to stay with my baby!  Michael and I are both afraid of our baby getting snatched.  I know, I know, most hospitals, including ours, have monitoring devices and alarms to prevent baby snatching, but you never can tell.  Do you know that a week after Bristol was born, I saw a news report about a lady trying to snatch a baby at some hospital in another state?!?!!  She did not succeed due to the alarms, but still, you can never be too careful.  

Our first meeting.  :)   B was kind of ugly when they took her out of my womb.  I actually thought karma for talking crap about other people's babies had caught up with me.  Then when they laid her on my chest, I realized karma hadn't found me yet.  She was beautiful and perfect!  

We stayed in the hospital for 4 days, and 3 nights.  I healed much faster with this c-section than I did with Joey's.  I was up and walking around in no time.  I had a lot of visitors, which was really nice.  I did not get to Skype with Michael, but we did get to talk on the phone a few times during those first few days.  He was so heartbroken that he could not be here for the birth.  The sacrifices our military give up.  

Bristol is great.  She did not have any jaundice.  She dropped down to 7 lbs, 12 oz, but then gained an entire ounce overnight!  Guess my milk came in, huh?  She does have a blocked tear duct, but the doc said that usually works itself out in a few months.  

I was really REALLY glad I went home to have my baby.  I do not know how I could have had a major surgery, have a baby, and care for my active toddler alone.   Thank you to everyone in North Carolina that helped us out.  You will never know how much it means to Michael and me!  

Strong

I am writing this post on the eve of meeting my little girl.  I am not going to lie.  I am scared to death.  Not of my surgery or the recovery.  I am scared of having two children.  I cannot even fathom how I going to find the strength to handle two kids at once.  I know all kids are different, but Joey as a newborn was so hard and demanding.  I remember being such a zombie and so cranky from the serious lack of sleep and frustration.  How am I supposed to function with a newborn AND a super active toddler? 

People like to bring up the fact that I have help right now, so I should calm down.  But I'm not worried about the next 6-8 weeks.  I'm worried about the time when I go home.  Yes, my hubby will be home soon so he can help, but with our lifestyle, it is only a matter of months or weeks before he will have to deploy or be away again.  Do I just move home every time he leaves for an extended amount of time?  What kind of life is that for me and my children?  Uproot our routines constantly just so I have extra help?  This life of ours is hard, but I never really realized how hard until we had children.  Kids really do change everything.  

I know I should not worry about the future right now.  I should concentrate on getting through  my surgery, and the recovery, and the next few weeks.  Who knows what will happen in our future with careers. 

I'm also scared and mad about having to do this without the father of my child.  He should be here.  It is so weird and hard not to have my best friend by my side for such a life-changing event.  It hurts me to talk to Michael and hear the sadness and pain in his voice because he's missing the birth of his little girl.  We made the decision together to bring this child into the world, and now, I'm having to do it without him by my side. This is definitely one of the downfalls of my husband being a hero.   

As I get ready to turn off this computer and go to bed for the last time as a mother of one child, I need to think about meeting my sweet little Bristol.  I need to put all of these fears, sadness, and anger to rest because I will need to be strong for my family.  Strong for my inquisitive son.  Strong for my deployed husband.  Strong for my little girl.  And strong for myself.  

The End

Man, I am behind on this blog!  Things have been so crazy and hectic, and, now, we're finally here at the end.  I wanted to update this blog so I wouldn't forget any details before we start the next chapter!  :)

36 Weeks, 3 Days at the Kenny Chesney/Tim McGraw Concert in Charlotte, NC

 So, at my 36 week appointment, the doctor informed me that they would take Bristol by c-section on my due date, July 19th, if she hadn't already come on her own.  If I went into labor before July 19th, then I could try the VBAC.  This was upsetting news because I didn't feel like we were giving baby girl enough time to come on her own.  I wanted to wait until at least 41 weeks before we did a c-section.  The doctors did not want to induce me, though, due to an increased chance of uterine rupture.  

37 Weeks

When I went to my 37 week appointment, I was all prepared to argue and fight with the doctors about taking Bristol by c-section on my due date.  I was ready to fight tooth and nail to wait until 41 weeks.  However, I got the bad news that stopped the debate before it could even  really start.  The doctors finally received my records from Alaska.  My previous c-section surgery was done with a single suture versus a double suture.  The hospital I will be delivering Bristol at will not let a patient with this type of suture have a VBAC due to an increased chance of uterine rupture.  In addition to this policy, there is not an anesthesiologist on duty at all times since this is a smaller hospital.  It would take about 30 minutes for this specialist to arrive at the hospital if he/she was needed.  Since there is an increased chance of uterine rupture with VBACs, the lack of an on-duty anesthesiologists is risky. 

 I was devastated when I heard this news.  All I wanted to do was cry.  I can't believe I went 37 weeks believing that I would be able to try a vaginal delivery.  When I went home and did my own Google research, it seemed that the chances of uterine rupture were only a slight bit higher with the single suture.  It seemed that the suture argument was just an excuse for some doctors and hospitals to use so they do not have to do a VBAC.  This research only made this news harder to take...probably why you shouldn't Google anything medical!  I also kept thinking about the anesthesiologist thing.  If I would have stayed in California to have this baby, I probably could have had my VBAC due to being in a much larger hospital.  However, I certainly would not have had the amount of help that I have here.  Ahhhh, trade-offs! 

I am still having a really hard time with this news, but it is what it is.  I was seriously pissed off about this and did not want to hear any of the good reasons why having a c-section wasn't so bad.  However, one of the good reasons that does make me (and Michael) smile is that I will have the prettiest and most pristine vagina in the world since no babies will have ever barreled out of it!!!  Hahaha!  This is something good since my husband will be home from a long deployment relatively shortly after having this baby.  I have a friend that I had to wait several months before she was good to go down there after her vaginal delivery. On this note, I will be discussing birth control with the doctor ASAP!  No Irish twins here, please!  

38 Weeks

At my last appointment, 38 weeks, I found out that I will definitely be having my baby on July 12th.  Since this will be a scheduled c-section, they do not want me to go into labor naturally.  This will cause stress on baby and me.  My doctors do planned surgeries on Thursdays, which, coincidentally falls exactly on the day I turn 39 weeks.  39 weeks is also an optimal time to take the baby out of the mother because the baby is supposedly fully developed, not too big, and ready to go.

For four days prior to my appointment, I had been having very severe menstrual-like cramps.  These were so bad that I almost called the doctor to find out if I needed to go to the hospital!  When the doctor checked my cervix, the baby's head was right there!!  My cervix had not opened or dilated at all, though.  The doctor said that we would still go with the c-section on the 12th, or if I went into labor before then and was really far along, like 8 or 9 cm dilated, we would proceed with a VBAC (if my uterus was going to rupture, it would have already ruptured by then).  If I was only 1 or 2 cm dilated, we would do a c-section.  The doc said that the reason I was cramping so badly was due to the baby getting settled into my pelvis. 

Name Change

We've changed Bristol's name just a bit.  A couple of months ago, I started freaking out and didn't like the name we had chosen.  After talking with Michael, he talked some sense into my prego hormonal self and we decided to keep the first name, Bristol.  However, we wanted to make part of her name a family thing since Joey's entire name is all in honor of several family members.  

After just a few seconds of talking, we agreed on the middle name "Fay" in honor of Michael's maternal grandmother.  She was a very amazing woman and we are both very honored and grateful to have had someone so amazing in our lives.  

Hold on world, Bristol Fay is going to be someone that is truly going to awe you!  :)  

35 Weeks

I finally had my first appointment with my North Carolina doctors this week.  I was super anxious for this appointment since we are in the final stretch before the big show and I had TONS of questions for my new doc(s).

The most important question was if they perform Vaginal Birth After C-Section (VBAC).  If they did not, then it looked like I would automatically be having a c-section again due to the very limited amount of time I had left before my due date to find a doctor/hospital that did.  Fortunately, this doctor does perform VBACs  if the lady is a good candidate.  The main concern is where my prior internal c-section incision is located.  If it is a vertical incision, then no VBAC for me.  If it is a horizontal cut, then we're good to go.  Unfortunately, my prior doctor's office sent all of my records except for the actual delivery report!  Ugh!  So, now we have to wait on the records to arrive to my new doctor before they can determine which route we will be going.  

If Bristol is breech, we will automatically have a c-section, as well.  As of this past Wednesday, she was head down and sitting pretty low in my pelvis!  Holla!  As long as she stays that way, we're good to go!  However, I have felt her flipping around this weekend.  I have been feeling her hiccups down in my pelvis, but this weekend, her hiccups were up under my ribs.  This made me think that she may have been head up at that moment.  Baby girl needs to stop being an overachiever and get her butt in the proper position! 

  

I think I look pregnant now!  :)  35 weeks!

I have noticed with this pregnancy that I have had way more sharp pains in my ribs.  I'm assuming this is her kicking me!  If Joey was breech for awhile, that may explain why I never had those types of pains in my ribs.  

I've also had some menstrual-like cramping and pelvic pressure over the past few weeks.  The doctor said that was probably baby girl getting into position.  

Bristol's heart rate was good and she was measuring great, according to the doctor.  My weight gain, or lack thereof, was not even discussed.  However, I did gain three pounds since my last appointment, putting me three pounds over my pre-pregnancy weight.  I'm not seriously concerned about this since I haven't gained any weight until now.  Plus, being with other adults and eating lots of good southern cooking, is not helping!  

I can't believe that I may have another baby in 5 weeks!  If I am going to have a c-section, then I will be having my baby between 39-40 weeks...aka in 4 weeks!!!  YIKES!  I'm not going to lie, the thought of having a newborn again, plus dealing with demanding toddler is seriously stressing me out.  I remember how much I wanted time to fly by when I was at the end of my pregnancy with Joey.  I couldn't wait to not be pregnant and to meet our little guy.  This time around, I am begging father time to slow his butt down!  I am so grateful that I will have lots of family around to help for the first 6 weeks, but I know we're on our own after that and that is a very scary thought.  In my opinion, Joey was a very demanding and high strung newborn.  I didn't like being a mom until he was 4 months old.  I know that most siblings are complete opposites of each other, but I am preparing myself for another "Joey newborn".  Hopefully, Bristol will be the most mellow and easy-going baby and all of this worry and concern was over nothing.  I know there's no need to worry and I can only take one day at a time.  So, for the time being, I am trying to enjoy any free time I have right now and my alone time with just Joey.  If I thought the ride was rough before, I'm in for a rude awakening, I feel.