Strong

I am writing this post on the eve of meeting my little girl.  I am not going to lie.  I am scared to death.  Not of my surgery or the recovery.  I am scared of having two children.  I cannot even fathom how I going to find the strength to handle two kids at once.  I know all kids are different, but Joey as a newborn was so hard and demanding.  I remember being such a zombie and so cranky from the serious lack of sleep and frustration.  How am I supposed to function with a newborn AND a super active toddler? 

People like to bring up the fact that I have help right now, so I should calm down.  But I'm not worried about the next 6-8 weeks.  I'm worried about the time when I go home.  Yes, my hubby will be home soon so he can help, but with our lifestyle, it is only a matter of months or weeks before he will have to deploy or be away again.  Do I just move home every time he leaves for an extended amount of time?  What kind of life is that for me and my children?  Uproot our routines constantly just so I have extra help?  This life of ours is hard, but I never really realized how hard until we had children.  Kids really do change everything.  

I know I should not worry about the future right now.  I should concentrate on getting through  my surgery, and the recovery, and the next few weeks.  Who knows what will happen in our future with careers. 

I'm also scared and mad about having to do this without the father of my child.  He should be here.  It is so weird and hard not to have my best friend by my side for such a life-changing event.  It hurts me to talk to Michael and hear the sadness and pain in his voice because he's missing the birth of his little girl.  We made the decision together to bring this child into the world, and now, I'm having to do it without him by my side. This is definitely one of the downfalls of my husband being a hero.   

As I get ready to turn off this computer and go to bed for the last time as a mother of one child, I need to think about meeting my sweet little Bristol.  I need to put all of these fears, sadness, and anger to rest because I will need to be strong for my family.  Strong for my inquisitive son.  Strong for my deployed husband.  Strong for my little girl.  And strong for myself.  

Sugar and Spice

We had an ultrasound a couple of weeks ago and we did not see a third leg, meaning that TBD is now a baby girl!  When the tech told us the news, I literally yelled "YES!!!"!  Michael was really happy too!  The tech really didn't get any good photos of baby girl, so I don't have anything to show...yet.  ;)  

After our ultrasound, we had an appointment with the doctor.  She verified that everything looked great with baby girl!  We also discussed my weight gain goal.  I still have not gained any weight this pregnancy and am actually down a few pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight.  I was preparing to hear "10-15 pounds" since I am considered obese.  Those numbers did not come out of the doc's mouth.  The doc said that she would like me to gain NO WEIGHT AT ALL!!  Are you freaking kidding me?!!?!  I had to pick my jaw up off of  the floor.  Actually, I can gain a couple of pounds but that's just so I can be back at my pre-pregnancy weight.  She said not to diet because that can hurt the baby, but to increase my physical activity.  I can barely breathe as it is now!  How the heck am I supposed to increase my exercise?!?!   Oh.  My.  Goodness.  I'm going to try not to stress out about this, because you know, I'll probably go to my new doc in North Carolina, and she'll freak out that I haven't gained any weight!  Ahhh!    

Later that night, Michael went to to store and came home with roses for me and baby girl's first dress! I know you can't see the writing across the chest, but it says "Little Marine Princess" in pink with a picture of a crown.   

Even though Michael really wanted a boy (this was only because of his stress level when baby girl becomes a teenager and wants to date boys!), but he is so happy to be having a little girl.  I mean, he bought baby girl her first outfit on the day we found out it was a she!  That means he is ecstatic and baby girl already has him wrapped around her finger!  :)